


let me take care of you

by strawberrynn



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst and Romance, Caregiver!Jihoon, I’m sorry, M/M, Mentioned Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Minor Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Slice of Life, lawyer!soonyoung, this section always stresses me out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 10:24:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16262270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberrynn/pseuds/strawberrynn
Summary: Wherein Soonyoung is a big shot lawyer taking care of his sick mother and Jihoon is a college senior working as a caregiver in the nursing facility where Soonyoung's mother is staying.





	let me take care of you

 

—

 

“How’s the residents?” Jihoon asked his co-workers as he sits with them. “Nothing much.” Minghao, one of the two caregivers said. He sits down, taking his phone out from his pocket to check on his unread messages.

 

He browse them one by one, stopping on one of them, the one that came from the nurse’s facility. It was a total of seven messages, Jihoon snickered already knowing what was the content. Still, he clicked the message and reads it.

 

_Stupid Hyung 8:30 PM_

_Jihoonie, i have a joke to tell you_

 

_Stupid Hyung 8:35 PM_

_don’t ignore me_

 

_Stupid Hyung 8:37 PM_

_nvm, i’m still going to tell you my new joke_

 

_Stupid Hyung 8:37 PM_

_so.. how does NASA organize a party?_

 

_Stupid Hyung 8:40 PM_

_they planet_

 

_Stupid Hyung 8:43 PM_

_get it? hahahahahahahaha PLAN-ET_

 

_Stupid Hyung 8:44 PM_

_you know, PLAN IT in case you don’t get it_

 

“Typical Cheol Hyung” he said to himself, getting the attention of one of the caregivers. “What is it?” Seokmin asked, sitting besides him. Jihoon showed him his phone and the latter cracked up reading the messages. “Is that even funny?” He asked the younger and Seokmin nodded in return, still laughing.

 

Well, maybe for Seokmin, he laughs at everything.

 

"...Oh, and Mrs. Kwon’s son is currently in her room." Seungcheol, the nurse said to Seungkwan, one of the other caregivers. He looked at Jihoon with an unreadable expression on his face even though he wasn’t talking to him. "Again?" Jihoon asked, obviously irritated. Seungcheol sighed, walking towards where he's sitting, holding the residents' record book, placing it on the table as he sits down. He casually flipped the book as he read the daily reports written and left by the afternoon nurse.

 

"Yeah, so we had three falls today, two in the morning, and one this afternoon. Mr. Lim was found on the floor approximately eight in the morning inside his room, no injuries, he said he slipped from his bed. They gave him Tylinol just in case. Then we have Mrs. Kim from room 209B, she was found unconscious in the Great Room. 911 was called and she was sent to the hospital, no reports yet when she's coming back."

 

Jihoon looked at Seungcheol with a sad expression written on his face. He doesn't know what or who to blame, maybe it was the weather (they would always say) but a lot of the residents are declining and it's not good news for everyone. It's sad knowing any day, one of the residents would pass away. Just recently, one of the residents died, it shook Jihoon because the night before she died, he was the one assigned to her. When he came to work around ten in the evening, one of the caregivers told him she died with her husband by her side. He asked the reason for her death and he simply said, "She just stopped breathing."

 

It was kind of depressing, knowing what they were before they came to the nursing facility.  Recalling what he see in their rooms everyday; trophies, awards and certificates, some paintings they did and pictures with famous people they worked with. They were rich, that he can't deny. The monthly stay in their facility was $6,000 and their family would rather spend all that money than take care of them in their homes and be with them, it really is sad and depressing. Money really isn't everything.

 

"...and lastly, Mrs. Kwon was found on the floor in her room this afternoon." Jihoon hears, waking him up from his thoughts.  "Is that why he's there?" He asked, pointing at the hallway where Mrs. Kwon’s room is located. Seungcheol nodded. "There were no caregivers during the fall so they didn't know what happen. They're thinking maybe she stood up by her own. You know her, she sometimes do that, she thinks she’s still stable." He gave Seungcheol a knowing look and nodded.

 

"He's such a pain in the ass." He heard the nurse whispered, his hand on his forehead as he read the reports. "When he got here, he run straight to her room, asking every damn caregiver what happened and why she fell. He demanded everyone to check on her every 30 minutes, saying he'll file a case against us if this happen again. He even shouted at Jisoo. Jisoo was so shocked he became speechless for who knows how long." Seungcheol continued. Hong Jisoo, their ever so lively and ball of sunshine Director. Jihoon imagined his lips turning to a 'ㅅ' shape as Mrs. Kwon's son shouts at him. Despite of what happened to the said guy, he chuckled at the thought and said, "We all know how he is and it's sucks we can't do anything about it." the other caregivers sitting with them nodded in agreement.

 

Kwon Soonyoung is a big shot lawyer, he's best known for his sharp tongue and brains. One word from him and it’ll have you shaking. Just one look in his eyes and you'll find yourself telling the truth. His Mom, Mrs. Kwon was also famous. She was once a famous prosecutor in Korea. Handling tough cases here and there, earning her the nickname "Iron Fist Lady of the Court". Together, they are the most powerful mother-son tandem in the Judicial System in Korea.

 

But behind his cold and scary persona, Kwon Soonyoung is also known as a loving son. When he found out about his mother's disease, he did everything he can to take care of her. It was the year 2013 when he announced in a conference, with hundreds of reporters present that his mother was diagnosed with Dementia. He had announced that he will be taking care of her for the meantime and that he will be taking his leave as a lawyer.

 

Now, 5 years later, he's back and doing what he do best. For his return as a lawyer, he took on a case about the murder of a salesman. The suspect was one of the successors of the Hwang Industry and Co., The family of the victim had no money to hire a lawyer and was scared to file a case against the suspect because one, the Hwangs is one of the most influential family in the business industry and two, they were just a low class family and they can never win against the rich people. They had no one to ask for help, they felt helpless. When they thought they’d never get the justice, Kwon Soonyoung stepped in and offered to be their lawyer for free.

 

It took 6 months for the case to be closed, 4 months of the suspect's lawyer negotiating not to continue the case and 2 months for Kwon Soonyoung to pushed the suspect to his wits, finally surrendering himself and telling the truth. Kwon Soonyoung turned down all the suspect's advances, offering him money ranging from $1 million to $10 million, telling him to fuck off and surrender.

 

The case was covered all over Korea, with the headline saying, "Kwon Soonyoung, the fearless and toughest Lawyer we've known to love is back."

 

—

 

"So what does he want?" Jihoon asked, already knowing which hall the elder will be assigning him to. He looked at him, trying his best not to smile. "Well? Shoot, hyung." Jihoon had his head tilted, lifting an eyebrow as he look at the nurse.

 

"Oh, you know, the basic. Every 30 minute check instead of every 2 hours." he said. "That's it?" He asked and Seungcheol nodded in return. After telling the other caregivers their assigned halls, Seungcheol stood up, put on gloves and headed towards the 300 Hall. "Guess I won't be able to sleep tonight." He said to himself. Seungcheol was walking behind him, going towards the nurse's office. As he made a left turn, going to his office, he shouted, "Oh, and he'll be staying the night."

 

Jihoon heard it loud and clear, stopping him from his tracks. "What?" He looked behind him but the nurse was already gone. He swore to God he heard Seungcheol’s annoying laugh before he heard a door closing.

 

"That asshole" he uttered under his breath. Choi Seungcheol was the evening nurse and was also Jihoon's best friend. They met in the facility when he started working there. Moving from Busan to Seoul, Jihoon doesn’t know anyone and had no car to travel from his apartment to the nursing facility. Seungcheol knew about it at the time and offered him a ride during his first day. At first, he had thought Seungcheol might be hitting on him but the voice on the other line when he was talking on the phone made him think twice.

 

"Alright, Hannie. I'll be home early. I love you." He said, a smile plastered across his face. Jihoon didn't know if he should ask him during that time but he still went for it and asked. "B-boy... I mean, lover?" Seungcheol replied with a nod, cheeks blushing and shy.

 

Days later, he soon found out that the ‘Hannie’ Seungcheol was referring to was their HR Manager, Yoon Jeonghan.

 

—

 

Jihoon took out his keys, putting it inside the keyhole and turning it as he unlocks the door for room 305, Mrs. Kwon’s room. He slowly push the door and a tiny hint of men's cologne, strong scent welcomed his nose. The tv was on, light inside the bathroom turned on as well. He walked inside and said his hello. In the far end of the room was Kwon Jihoon, sleeping on a couch even if there was an extra bed inside the room. In front of him is his mother, still awake and watching whatever show was showing on the tv. Jihoon doubt she knows what she’s watching.  He said hello even though he knew she doesn't remember him at all.

 

The lawyer woke up when he heard Jihoon's voice, slowly opening his eyes as he study the person standing at the end of his mother's bed.

 

"Good Evening." he said bowing. "I'm here to check if she's still dry." He continued. The lawyer raises his hand up and waved, saying, "No need, I already checked." his voice cold, almost sending shivers down his spine. "O-okay. I'll be back again in 30 minutes then." He said, turning his back when he heard Soonyoung called his name, "Jihoon...”

 

He turns immediately and looked at the lawyer. "Yes? Is there anything you need help with?" He asked. Soonyoung looked at him, eyeing him before sighing. "No, you can go now. I'll just call you when I need help... with my mother." he said. Jihoon heard him paused mid sentence, _hesitation?_ but ignores it.

 

"Alright, thank you." Jihoon said and left.

 

—

 

Jihoon doesn’t know when he started doing the 300 hall whenever the lawyer stays the night. He wasn’t fond of the lawyer, he was annoyed of him, that's for sure. The moment he heard rumors about the infamous Kwon Soonyoung from the other caregivers, he knew he'll never like him. He always thought Kwon Soonyoung was a mama’s boy, an old single man who never been in a relationship.

 

He remembers meeting the man himself for the first time. Seungcheol had called him around 7 in the evening, which was very unlikely of the latter as their shift starts at 10:30. Told him he was going to pick him up an hour earlier because one of the residents’ family member will be discussing something with them.

 

He groans, annoyed as he was suddenly woken up from his sleep but still, he complies, got ready and waited for the nurse to pick him up. The older guy came around 9 and within 30 minutes, they arrived at the nursing facility. Jisoo and Jeonghan were already in the meeting room, waiting for them. Once gathered, Jisoo went out, returning soon after with the lawyer.

 

He remember being awed by the lawyer’s appearance. He remember thinking how white his complexion was, white as a porcelain doll and in contrast to his appearance, how smooth his voice was, sending him to the deepest part of the earth. (If that was possible) He did hear rumors about his personality but never did he hear anything about his looks. Kwon Soonyoung is a fine man, Jihoon admits that.

 

He would be lying to himself if he didn’t say he has a tiny little crush on the lawyer. When Jeonghan introduced him to Soonyoung, he knew his face was in the shade of red. Thanks to Seungcheol who was beside him snickering.

 

“Hi, I’m Kwon Soonyoung. Nice to meet you?”

 

“Jihoon. Lee Jihoon, sir.”

 

“No need to call me sir. You can just call me Soonyoung.”

 

“O-okay, Soonyoung.”

 

Jihoon hated the fact that he stuttered but died a little when Soonyoung smiled. Wrinkles forming on his eyes as it turns to a shape of two crescent moons.

 

Jisoo had explained to him that if Soonyoung is staying the night in the facility, he’ll be the one assigned in the hall. Jihoon had the urge to ask the reason why he was chosen but Jisoo immediately dismissed him and Seungcheol, telling them to help with the afternoon shift. Both party exchanged their thanks and farewells before going to their separate ways.

 

“He said he saw you working one time and wanted you to help him take care of his mom.” Seungcheol said as they walk to his office. Jihoon looked at him confused before understanding what the nurse just told him.

 

“Thanks, hyung.” he said, no intentions of asking the nurse how he knew about it.

 

“Well, goodluck, Jihoonie.” Jihoon knew Seungcheol said it because of the rumors about the lawyer at that time but he didn’t know then that it was also for a different reason.

 

—

 

Jihoon once again entered the familiar room, walking towards where the beds are and slowly went to the bed on the left beside the wall. Soonyoung was still on the couch, sleeping. He didn’t want to bother him so he quietly went to Mrs. Kwon.  “Hi, Mrs. Kwon, I’m here to check if you’re wet, okay?” He said quietly. The lady laying on the bed looked at him with wide eyes and nodded. He smiled and said, “Thank you. I’ll turn you to your right.” And he did as he said it, carefully moving the old lady to her side and checking the diaper she was wearing. There were lines on the material, blue in color which indicates that she was wet.

 

He went to the closet to get one of the diapers then went to the bathroom to get the wet wipes. When he got out, he was welcomed by the sleepy lawyer, hair a mess and eyes bloodshot red. “Why are you here?” He asked, voice groggy from his sleep.

 

“Ahh, I’m here to change Mrs. Kwon.” Jihoon said, a bit startled with the lawyer’s sudden appearance. “Why didn’t you wake me up?” Jihoon was going to answer him back but Soonyoung spoke again, “Never mind, next time, make sure to wake me up first. I thought a resident got inside the room.” He nodded and Soonyoung went back to the couch with Jihoon following behind him.

 

“Alright Mrs. Kwon, I’m going to turn you now.” He said. Jihoon carefully removed the diaper she was wearing, not forgetting to wipe her bottom before putting the new diaper on her. He can hear Mrs. Kwon talking but he knew it doesn’t make any sense. “Alright, you’re done.” He said as he turn her back to her position and tuck her under the blanket.

 

Jihoon turned around to check if Soonyoung was sleeping, sure enough the lawyer was fast asleep. He had heard that the lawyer is currently taking up a huge case involving a famous actor so it’s no surprise to see him stressed and tired. It has always been like this, Jihoon thought. Even if Soonyoung was busy with his work, he’d always have the time to stay with his mother. Though it’s their facility’s policy that a family member is not allow to stay the night unless a resident has a few weeks, some days to live left. Soonyoung spoke with the owner of the facility to allow him to stay whenever he wants to.

 

Jihoon doesn’t know how Soonyoung managed to forced the owner to allow him to do whatever he wants.

 

—

 

“How’s college going?” Seungcheol asked as he sat on the chair in front of Jihoon. It was their lunch break, it has become their routine to take their lunch together ever since he started working in the facility. Jihoon stared at him and said, “Do you really want me to answer that, hyung?” earning him a laugh from Seungcheol.

 

“I know being a senior while working here is tiring but I know you’ll make it, Jihoon.” the nurse said, munching on his sandwich. “I hope so.” Jihoon said, his thoughts suddenly wandering to his studies. Jihoon is already a senior in Seoul National University, majoring in Nursing. It was his parent’s dream at first, him becoming a nurse. He hated the idea, he never once listen to them whenever they talked about them wanting him to become a nurse.

 

That was before his father fell ill. It was the year 2014. Jihoon came home from cram school and found no one inside their house. There were hints of his parents preparing dinner but they were nowhere to be seen. He had called out to them but there were no respond. He run outside and asked their neighbors and found out his dad had a stroke and was sent to the hospital. Their family has a history of the illness and his father’s not new with strokes. It’s been 8 years since it happened to him but this one was by far the worst.

 

Jihoon immediately went straight to the hospital to find his father unconscious. The doctors have told them his father’s condition. He was barely holding on, 50:50 is what some people call it. Jihoon was mad and disappointed, not at his father but at himself. He knew his father’s condition but he can’t do anything to help him.

 

That was why he promised himself, his mother and especially his father that he’ll become a nurse and if money allows it, he’ll become a doctor.

 

—

 

“Hey”

 

Jihoon looked behind him and sees Soonyoung sitting on the couch as he casually reads a book. “Why?” he asked. It’s been weeks since the two of them became _officially_ friends and it was becoming comfortable for Jihoon to speak with the lawyer. Soonyoung had allow him to speak casually with him, even jokes with him.

 

He just finished changing Mrs. Kwon when Soonyoung called his attention.

 

“Mm, do you.. do you want to get coffee sometimes?” The lawyer asked, eyes not leaving the book in his hands. Jihoon hid the smile that was slowly forming on his lips and asked, “Are you asking me on a date?”

 

Soonyoung coughs, still holding the book he was reading.  “I don’t know. Do you want to make it a date?” he asked, finally looking at Jihoon.

 

“Wow, I can’t believe you’re flirting with me.” Jihoon said laughing, teasing the lawyer,  making him chuckle. He can’t believe he’ll ever think that a laugh can make him giddy inside, but it did. He closed the book, not forgetting to put a bookmark on the page he was reading and stood up. He offered his hand to Jihoon, making the him puzzled. “Let’s go.” He said, looking at Jihoon.

 

“Where?” Jihoon asked. Soonyoung looked at his wristwatch then at Jihoon and said. “It’s almost time for your break. Let’s go to the nearest coffee shop.” Jihoon looked at Soonyoung’s hand then his face as realization hits him. “Ah, s-sure.” he said and took the lawyer’s hand.

 

“We’ll be back, Mom.” Soonyoung said smiling as he drags Jihoon out of the room.

 

—

 

“Would you rather forget the people you love or would you rather be forgotten by them?”

 

It was noisy inside the coffee shop but Jihoon heard the question loud and clear. He stopped what he was doing, closed his laptop and looked at the guy sitting in front of him. "What kind of question is that?” He asked.

 

“It suddenly crossed my mind. You know, which is more painful? I think being forgotten is much more painful than forgetting them. You’ll never know you’re hurting him because, well, you forgot them.” Soonyoung said as he sips his Americano, legs crossed and body relaxed on the couch.

 

“So you’d rather forget them, right?” Jihoon asked and the latter nodded. "Well, I’m not going to argue that thought. I can just try to love them again, you know that.” He said and smiled. “Yeah. I know that.” Soonyoung answered and the two became quiet.

 

“But you know Jihoon, I think I’d rather have them forget me. I’ll just love them the way I’ve been doing so and make them fall for me. I’ll give them the love they’re missing, tell them how much I love them every single day. I don’t think I can bear the fact that they’re hurting because of me, that I forgot them.” Soonyoung said as he looks at Jihoon smiling. Jihoon knows there’s something more than what the lawyer is telling him. It isn’t just a mere question. He doesn’t want to question the lawyer further and so he faked a sigh as if he was irritated and said. “Why did you ask then?”

 

“I told you it just suddenly crossed my mind, Jihoon.”

 

“Whatever you say, Mr. Lawyer.”

 

—

 

Jihoon notices everything about Soonyoung and by everything, he means every single thing. The way Soonyoung sighs whenever he comes to the facility from work. The way he scratches his head in annoyance whenever he reads the newspapers. The way his hands come up to his face whenever he’s embarrass and the way he smiles before sipping his favorite coffee.

 

He also noticed how cute and endearing Soonyoung is despite his cold appearance. His eyes full of love whenever he talks to his mother (even if they don’t really understand each other) or just by talking about her. His laugh whenever he watches a funny show or reads manhwa. (the lawyer loves his manhwa) and how his lips turns into a pout whenever he wants something. Just like what he’s doing right now.

 

Soonyoung asked Jihoon if they can get coffee but tonight’s shift is busy, by busy he means residents falling, getting up or BM accidents. And the lack of caregivers doesn’t help at all. Jihoon only saw Seungcheol gets frustrated once or maybe twice (by twice he means, tonight) There were only two caregivers tonight. Seokmin requested a vacation leave and Mingyu, well, Mingyu was a no call, no show. Frustrating the nurse.

 

“Why not?” Soonyoung asked, not noticing how his lips turns into a small pout. (Jihoon thinks he’s doing it on purpose though) “It’ll only take 15 minutes!”

 

“Not today, Kwon Soonyoung. We’re busy.” He said sternly as he put back the covers on Mrs. Kwon who was watching the two of them bicker.

 

“Come on, Jihoon. I’ll tell Seungcheol and we’ll be quick.” The lawyer pushes. Jihoon thought how the lawyer can be immature at times. How he sometimes gets on his nerve and how annoying he can be but Jihoon doesn’t mind. He likes the thought of Soonyoung showing his true self to him, only him and it makes him think he was special. It… it makes him happy.

 

“No. That’s final.” He said as he walks towards the door, running as soon as the door opens, afraid he might give in to the lawyer’s request if he stays any longer inside the room.

 

—

 

Jihoon knew something was going on when Soonyoung went to the facility eyes red and puffy. Yes, they were friends (even something more but he didn’t dare dwell on it further) but he felt like it wasn’t the right time to ask the latter what happened.

 

He just finished doing his first round at his assigned hall, Mrs. Kwon being the last. He enters the room as quiet as he can be, afraid he might wake up the two if they were sleeping.

 

“Hey” it’s that familiar voice again, the voice he doesn’t know he started to love.

 

Jihoon smiles as he see Soonyoung already standing from the couch, mirroring his smile as he slowly walks towards him. “When you’re done with my mom, can we talk outside?” Soonyoung asked, voice hopeful, holding Jihoon’s hands.

 

“Sure, after this.” he said, nodding.

 

Soonyoung nods back before leaving him and his mother alone in the room. Jihoon does he’s usual routine, checking if Mrs. Kwon is still dry or if she has any bruises in her body. To his relief, everything seems to be fine. He said goodbye to Mrs. Kwon before finally going to the back of the facility where there smoking area is located. Where him and Soonyoung stays during his break, him doing his school works and Soonyoung smoking and drinking his favorite coffee.

 

When he got to the place, Soonyoung is sitting on one of the chairs, blankly looking at the night sky. It was very unusual for the latter as he’s used to seeing him with a cigarette or a coffee in hand. It made Jihoon somewhat nervous and anxious. He sits across Soonyoung, fake coughing, “So what is it, Mr. Lawyer?” he jokes, he’s really not a fan of tense and awkward atmosphere like this.

 

Soonyoung’s eyes widened at the sudden voice but smiles as he realized who it was. “Oh, you’re here.” He said, looking at Jihoon.

 

“Yeah, so what are we going to talk about?” he asked Soonyoung, voice quiet. His nervousness going straight to the heavens as time ticks. He can hear his heartbeat and he’s pretty sure with how quiet the night is, Soonyoung can hear it from across the table.

 

“Jihoon..” Soonyoung starts, voice weak, his eyes avoiding Jihoon’s. “I know we’ve been talking and going out on dates a lot lately and honestly I don’t know what to call us?” he scratches the back of his head, laughing a little. “I don’t know what you think of me but what I want you to know is I think of you as someone special.”

 

Jihoon remains quiet. He can tell the lawyer wants to say something more but that doesn’t hide the fact that Soonyoung looked like he’s confessing to him? He wasn’t sure so he stayed on his sit, showing no sign of talking to indicate the latter to continue.

 

“Not as a special friend. A special someone, someone that I can see myself being together with romantically. Someone I can see myself laughing with and just being happy together. And don’t you even think of saying that this is temporary because Lee Jihoon, this,” he points to himself and Jihoon “us, whatever we have is not temporary. You are not temporary.”

 

Jihoon tries to argue back because he never once thought of Soonyoung or them temporary. Truth be told, he feels the same way. He was just too afraid to ask Soonyoung. He opens his mouth, ready to tell Soonyoung what he feels when the latter beats him into it.

 

“I guess what I want to say is, I like you. I like you so much that I feel my inside tightening and bursting when I see you. My heart beating faster than a missile when you smile at me and my mind going frenzy when you laugh. I like you, Jihoon and I’m sorry because I’m in too deep and honestly, I don’t even what to get out from it.”

 

Jihoon doesn’t know, maybe it was the starry night sky, maybe the sound of the wind howling or maybe his heart beating loud and fast. Or maybe it’s really just the way Soonyoung is looking at him fondly, eyes sparkling and cheeks in the shades of red that made him stand up and kissed him.

 

—

 

It started minimal at first. How Soonyoung forgets where his pen or his phone are. How he keeps forgetting his schedule and his appointments that at one point, Jihoon decided to get a copy of the lawyer’s schedules and helped me. In a way, he kind of became his secretary.

 

“It’s just stress.” Soonyoung would always say to him. Eyes fixed on the laptop in front of him, the table covered with piles of paper, and a pen in between his mouth. “It’s not a big deal, Jihoon.”

 

It wasn’t a big deal, was what he wants to say too but Jihoon knows. This continued for weeks, Soonyoung always forgetting the minimal things, he’s mood changes in the most unexpected time and there were times he’d just stare blankly at something. Jihoon knows but he can’t just mention it to his lover. He was scared, he doesn’t want to assume thing but he wanted to make sure. He wanted to help him.

 

The last straw for Jihoon was during their anniversary. He and Soonyoung had decided to go the the nearest restaurant from the facility. The facility itself is located in one of the nicest town in Seoul where the city and beach meets. They’re having a good time, reminiscing their past year together, even laughing at most absurd ones.

 

Soonyoung was laughing at a joke Jihoon said when all of a sudden he stopped and blankly looks at Jihoon. Blinking a few times before his eyes turned cold and his demeanor changed.

 

He looked around him, at the plate in front of him then at Jihoon again and asked, “Who are you? What am I doing here?”

 

“Stop joking, Kwon” Jihoon says, laughing nervously. He knew this was coming but he wasn’t sure if it’s really happening or just Soonyoung mocking him. But Jihoon knows, Soonyoung would never do this kind of prank. He’d never especially with his mother’s situation.

 

“Are we close? Who are you and where’s my mother?” Soonyoung asked, voice cold, sending shivers to his bone. It was like talking to Kwon Soonyoung, the infamous lawyer and not Kwon Soonyoung, the man he loves.

 

“Soonyoung, please, stop joking.” Jihoon stutters, tears beginning to form in his eyes. “Please, not now.”

 

“What’s your name? Why are you crying?” It wasn’t Soonyoung, it wasn’t the voice that he loves hearing. It wasn’t the person he loved the most.

 

“Soonyoung, it’s m—me, Jihoon. Pl—please, not now.” Jihoon stutters, tears falling from his eyes. He tries not to cry but seeing Soonyoung like this was too heartbreaking for him. The thought of Soonyoung forgetting him breaks Jihoon into million of pieces.

 

He cries and cries not caring about the people looking at them. “Soonyoung, please. It’s me, Jihoon.”

 

At that moment, he sees Soonyoung blinks rapidly before finally, heaving a sigh. The once cold eyes changes, turning into the warm eyes Jihoon knew.

 

“Why are you crying, Jihoon?” it was that voice. The voice that sounds like a melody to Jihoon. The one he loves hearing the most.

 

“Soonyoung, you’re back.” is all Jihoon could say before he bursted, crying more than ever. Soonyoung startled and clueless of what happened stands up immediately, going to his hide and hugging the latter tight.

 

“I.. I’m sorry, Jihoon. I’m sorry. Fuck, it happened didn’t it?” Soonyoung said, kissing the top of his head as Jihoon continues to cry, arms wrapped around the lawyer.

 

“W-what do y-you mean?” Jihoon asked in between sob. Soonyoung sighs, “Let’s… let’s talk about it later, kay? For now, stop crying. I’m not going to leave again.” he assured Jihoon. He nods but never removed his arms around his lover.

 

“I love you” he mumbles, face on the latter’s stomach.

 

“I love you too and I promise I will never leave you, Jihoon.”

 

And maybe that assurance is enough to stop him from crying. But it didn’t stopped him from thinking that someday, Soonyoung would really leave him.

 

—

 

“When are you going to tell him?”

 

Soonyoung looks up from his laptop, closing it as Seungcheol stands in front of him with a small cup of pills in hand. He gets it from the latter, getting the water on the bedside table before drinking them. “I’m not sure..” he trails off, looking at his phone, the wallpaper him and Jihoon when they went out on their first date of being a couple.

 

“You should tell him, Soonyoung.” is all Seungcheol says, shaking his head. “You have to. It’ll be hard but you have to. For you, for him.”

 

“I know, Cheol. I just need to find the right timing.”

 

“The right timing is now, Soonyoung. The progression is faster than we thought. I’m still amazed that you haven’t had any episodes when he’s with you.” Seungcheol said, giving Mrs. Kwon her medicine, helping the old lady in drinking them.

 

Soonyoung watches Seungcheol as he takes care of his mother deep in thoughts. The elder is right, the right time to tell Jihoon about his condition is now, no buts, no delays. He didn’t expect his diagnosis to develop this fast. All he knew is 7 months ago, he found out that he, too, has Dementia.

 

“I should tell him…” he trails off, looking up at Seungcheol who has an expression he can’t fully understand.

 

“Before it’s too late, Soonyoung” the elder said, voice weak.

 

He nods, slowly, almost choking, “Before it’s too late..”

 

—

 

“Soonyoung, would you marry me?”

 

Soonyoung spits out the wine he was drinking, surprise at the unexpected question. Jihoon nonchalantly grabs napkins, giving it to his lover. His eyes full of determination as he awaits for Soonyoung’s answer.

 

“Are you serious?” Soonyoung says, cleaning himself up. The latter nodding in return. “What brought this up?” Soonyoung asked then. He knew Jihoon isn’t the type to randomly ask questions like this, heck, just a week ago, Soonyoung jokingly told him they should get married next year and Jihoon got apeshit about it.

 

Jihoon remains quiet, still waiting for Soonyoung’s answer when Soonyoung realizes the reason behind the sudden question. “Was it because of what happened earlier?”

 

Jihoon’s breath hitches and Soonyoung knew his instincts were correct, “How.. how did you know?”

 

Silence.

 

Soonyoung sighs and tried again, “How did you know I have Dementia, Jihoon?”

 

That night, during their first anniversary, Jihoon cried twice in public for the first time. That night too, Jihoon became Soonyoung’s fiancé.

 

—

 

If there is one thing Jihoon regretted the most to this day, it’d be the time he accidentally reads a paper with Soonyoung’s diagnosis.

 

It was another busy shift, with two of his residents falling off their beds, one needing to go to the hospital and another with a really bad BM accident. He already made it a routine to do Mrs. Kwon last so if the lawyer wants him to stay, he can until he has to do his second round for the night.

 

He giggles to himself, knowing that behind the door is where his lover is, probably sleeping or doing some paperworks again. When he opens the door and walked inside, he finds Mrs. Kwon alone, sound asleep, the lawyer nowhere to be found.

 

On his study table however was a piece of paper, with what looked like Soonyoung’s handwriting saying “I forgot something at my office. Brb, I love you” Jihoon once again giggles to himself, he can’t believe how romantic and cheesy the lawyer has become.

 

He took the paper, rereading it over and over again when he sees a paper under the book Soonyoung was currently obsessing with. “Diagnosis of Alzheimer’s and Dementia” in bold letters is visible. Curiosity got the best of him as he pulls it and read the content.

 

At first, Jihoon had thought the diagnosis was for Mrs. Kwon. It tells the patient diagnosis as Dementia but it isn’t determined what kind of Dementia it is at the moment. The signs of the disease was listed as well, even the list of medicine needed. He’s about to put it back to it’s righteous place when his eyes landed on the patient’s name; Kwon Soonyoung.

 

—

 

A month after, the two decided to tie the knot with only their closest friends; Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Jisoo, Jihoon’s parents and Soonyoung’s mother. The venue they had chosen is the garden in the facility. The reason being as they first met at the facility but also because of Soonyoung’s mother’s condition has worsened and has been bedridden.

 

Soonyoung was the happiest at the time. All his worries gone and all he could think of is how much he loves Jihoon and how exciting it is to finally start their forever, not temporary but everlasting.

 

But Jihoon found out sooner than later that that happiness is temporary.

 

It was as if fate was playing with them. Three months after their marriage, Soonyoung’s mother passed away in her sleep and within the same month, Soonyoung’s loses a case, worsening his condition.

 

A month later, his doctor diagnosed him unfit to work with his current condition. Jihoon tried his best to help his husband but it only infuriates the latter most of the time. Day by day, Jihoon sees the different stages of Dementia in Soonyoung and it breaks him everytime knowing that any day, Soonyoung would finally forget who he is.

 

There were episodes where Soonyoung forget who and where he was. Most of time lasting to 5 to 10 minutes. During those time, all Jihoon could do is talk to him calmly, makes him understand every words he was saying and showing him he’s there to help and not to hurt him. It was like taking care one of his patients but this time, it’s the love of his life.

 

Jihoon would be lying if he said it doesn’t hurt one bit because it _does,_ it hurt so much. He doesn’t even understand how he bears the pain of seeing Soonyoung like that everyday. How he bears the minutes of Soonyoung asking him who he was and not telling him he loves him like he used to. It was like Soonyoung’s physically with him but his heart and soul, gone a long time ago.

 

It came to the point where Jihoon would hide in the bathroom at night and cry his heart out. Asking, pleading the heavens above to help him, to help Soonyoung. He pleads to bring his loving husband back. He pleads that someone out there can finally discover the cure of Dementia. He pleads the heavens to make him stronger and not give in to the pain. He pleads and pleads everyday that somehow, somewhere in Soonyoung’s heart, the real Soonyoung is still there.

  


Jihoon graduates college and decided to continue being a nurse and work for the facility where he and Soonyoung met and where he’s currently staying. He doesn’t go home anymore and considered the facility his home, their home. They celebrated their anniversaries, birthdays, and every holidays in their room. With Jihoon decorating the room and cooking the food for himself and the food Soonyoung can only eat. He would put new clothes on Soonyoung for every celebration because _“He deserves nothing but the best.”_

 

Soonyoung’s condition continues to worsen as time goes by. By the time Jihoon entered college for his doctorate, Soonyoung doesn’t remember anyone from his life. There were times he’d suddenly say someone’s name and Jihoon would smile at him and tell him who that person is. There were times Soonyoung would hum to a song the two of them used to sing together and Jihoon would always hum along with him. Holding his hand and placing his head on Soonyoung’s shoulder.

 

There were also times where Soonyoung would wake up from his sleep, stands up and tries to open every door he can see, uttering Jihoon’s name and crying. These were the times Jihoon can’t bear to watch. These were the times Jihoon would call for help and leaves the room, going somewhere no one can see him as he cry until there were no tears left to cry.

 

Jihoon tries his best to remain strong not only for himself but for the both of them. He’d always repeat his vows to a sleeping Soonyoung to remind him that he would never leave his side, that he’ll be there for him until the heavens doesn’t allow him anymore.

 

Jihoon saw it coming, he knew from the moment Soonyoung became weaker than he was before. He knew the moment Soonyoung’s stopped eating his food and drinking his medicines. He knew the moment Soonyoung slept longer than he usually does and his withdrawals becoming more frequent. He knew it was the moment he feared the most; Soonyoung was gradually dying.

 

And it’s up to Jihoon whether to let him live longer until his body gives up or to make the process faster.

 

It was the most difficult decision he has to do and both option doesn’t have the one he longed for; to bring Soonyoung back. For days, Jihoon locked himself in his apartment, hands on his chest as he cry his heart out. Praying, begging, that this isn’t happening, that everything is just a dream, the only reality is Soonyoung. He just want Soonyoung back but why does the heavens make him suffer?

 

A knock on his door wakes him up a few days after. He cried himself to sleep again. He hasn’t taken a shower for days, there were take outs everyone and the apartment was trashed. He gets up to open the door, expecting the landlady when in front of him stands Seungcheol, his best friend. It’s been years since they last met as the latter is currently living in the US with Jeonghan.

 

“You look better than expected” is what Seungcheol said, entering the apartment.

 

“Thanks. I worked hard for it” Jihoon said lifelessly, sitting on the couch. “So what brought you back in Korea?”

 

Seungcheol looks around the apartment, mouth agape before sitting on the couch besides Jihoon. “I.. I heard” he said, voice low. “I’m sorry, Jihoon”

 

Jihoon shakes his head, “It’s okay. I’m okay.” Seungcheol gave him a look and sighed, “You’re not okay. Does this look okay to you?” he said, pointing at Jihoon up and down. Jihoon doesn’t try to argue back, he knows Seungcheol can see through him and somehow he’s grateful for that.

 

“Have you decided?”

 

Jihoon shakes his head, “I won’t” he whispers, the thought of Soonyoung in his room alone, weak and almost dying breaks Jihoon. “I.. I c-can’t” he stutters as tears fall from his eyes. “Cheol, I can’t. I don’t know what to do. Please help me, I don’t want him to die. I don’t want him to leave me.”

 

Seungcheol hugs him tight, shushing him as he pats his back. “Cry it out, Jihoon. It’s okay to cry”

 

“What if one day he wakes up and remember me? What if someone discover the cure for his disease, Cheol? I can’t. I won’t let him die without even trying everything to bring him back”

 

Seungcheol sighs, pushing Jihoon a little bit so the latter is facing him. “Who said you didn’t do everything to bring him back? You dedicated your whole life taking care of him. You gave everything for him, Jihoon. You took care of him and shit, no one ever did that to our patients before. Jihoon, you did everything to bring him back. You took care of him, never left his side and showed him that after everything that happened, his condition, you still love him and I swear that tiny piece of the Soonyoung you knew is still there in his heart, thankful that you never left him and that you loved him until the very end.”

 

Jihoon continues to cry in the elder’s arms, “What should I do? Tell me what to do? I don’t want him to suffer any more but I don’t want him to leave me, Cheol”

 

“Jihoon…” Seungcheol starts, “You know and I know what’s the right thing to do. And I’m honestly telling you that whatever decision you make, Soonyoung would be fine with it. He knows how much you sacrificed for him and I think he too doesn’t want to see you suffer anymore. He doesn’t want you to hurt anymore.”

 

Seungcheol stayed with Jihoon, never leaving his side until the latter finally calmed down.

 

That day, Jihoon finally accepted his and Soonyoung’s reality and made a choice for the both of them.

 

—

 

Jihoon closes his eyes as he gripped on the door knob, his feet frozen on the ground. He remember giggling in front of the same door knowing the person he’d first see is his lover, the love of his life but now as he slowly turns the door knob, he isn’t welcome by Soonyoung smiling fondly at him but rather Seungcheol and another nurse.

 

Seungcheol looks up at him and said, “He’s been waiting for you.”

 

Jihoon tries his best to smile as he stop just in front of the bed. There, lying peacefully is Soonyoung, paler than he was ever. He has an oxygen mask on and is covered with multiple blankets.

 

“Hi, love, how are you?” he asked, knowing very well he will never receive an answer back. “I’m sorry I came late. I missed you..” he said, voice becoming weaker and weaker. “I’m sorry I have to do this. I don’t want you to suffer anymore. You understand, right?” Jihoon doesn’t hold himself back and cry, all the emotions he’s been hiding for days he’s finally letting go.

 

Seungcheol stands up and placed a hand on his shoulder, “They’ve been injecting him with Lorazepam and Morphine since last night. Estimation of passing is this hour.” he said, his grip tightening at the last sentence.

 

Jihoon nods, he has accepted the fact already but it doesn’t remove the fact that he’s sending Soonyoung to his death and it pains him so much. He stands beside the bed, holding onto Soonyoung’s hand as he keep apologizing like it’s a mantra.

 

Soonyoung’s breathing becoming shallower and shallower as time ticks, indicating of his incoming passing. Jihoon holds onto him, never wanting to let go. “I love you, Soonyoung. I love you so much. I want to let you know that I will never marry again.” he laughs at that, still crying. “I promised to only love you even when you’re gone. I love you and I will never going to get tired of saying that. I love Soonyoung.”

 

Jihoon hears the shallow breaths of Soonyoung louder than before, his face becoming paler and paler and his body heat decreasing. He starts to cry out loud, knowing very well that it’s almost time. “Soonyoung, wait for me okay? I love you, I love you so so much.”

 

The room is quiet, only Jihoon’s cries can be heard as Soonyoung finally heaves his final breath.

 

—

 

“Would you rather forget the people you love or would you rather be forgotten by them?”

 

“What’s with this question again?” Jihoon laughs, lying besides Soonyoung.

 

“Remember what my answer was before?” Soonyoung asked, playing with Jihoon’s finger.

 

“Yeah, you rather be forgotten right?”

 

Jihoon nods, “You know what I realized? I rather be the one forgetting the people I love.”

 

Jihoon looks up at Soonyoung in curiosity, “Why?”

 

“I don’t know. I think I wouldn’t bear to see the person I love not remembering me? It would pain me so much and I think it’d drive me insane. Whoever decides to take care of someone like that is braver than the marines” Jihoon laughs at Soonyoung’s answer, pinching his cheeks and said, “Then you’re braver than the marines for taking care of your mother.”

 

“Oh? You’re right, huh?” Soonyoung said smiling stupidly at Jihoon, tickling him as they continue to cuddle on the bed.

 

“I love you, Jihoon..”

 

“I love you too, Soonyoung..”

  
  
  


And when the sky is asleep and all the stars are shining, Soonyoung watches a sleeping Jihoon, admiring every bits of him. “And if I ever forget you, always remember that you will always be in my heart. My love for you will never forget you. I love you, Jihoon.” he whispered as he kisses Jihoon’s forehead before he too goes to sleep.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i just wanna say 'phew, finally' this was a story i started a year ago with no ships in mind. it was abandoned for months before i saw it again "accidentally" a little background story about this story; it's actually based on my job as a caregiver a year ago. there was really a patient whose daughter said she'll sue us if her mother get into an accident again. long story short, they moved to a different facility. n e ways, i hoped you guys like the story..
> 
> kudos and comments are highly appreciated  
> you can also shout at me on [twitter](twitter.com/kwonthicc)


End file.
